While you are living, you are trying to fuck…Vishnu

You (the creative you) die when you stop to fuck…Shiva

The “unnecessary” risk as the other see it. But not for you, without taking that risk, you don’t feel like “living”.

[What? sounds cliche? No, no, I didn't try to play with words like the trailer of Paz's new film...Ok, let me try it once again on another side of sincerity...5..4..3..2..1..]

You take that risk because you are actually dying!  and you know it doesnt matter if you earn sk30000, 40000, 50000, 1200000. Because if your mind’s death, your body’s death. Because doesnt matter how you try to compromise, your DNA won’t let you…So, you take that risk because you just try to live once agian…

Instead, he tried to be Robert Redford but ended up as an Indian version of Carlton Banks who speaks a funny accent of c++….

He keeps it real like that…

…………..

I saw a group of that tall and slim girls with that minimal monotone look and I felt exactly like that time when I returned to Stockholm completely broke and have to start applying for the “real” jobs again. I.e.,you know its not easy to get and you not gonna be happy when you get it anyway…

Gauguin, u have any comment on this?

ยายดุ, เป็นระเบียบ, ไม่รวย, เป็นคนใต้, มือเลอะมันกุ้งกับพริกน้ำปลา หัวหอม (แดง) เวลาคลุกให้ลูกๆหลานๆกิน นึกถึงหน้ายายยิ้มตอนที่ยาย 80 up แล้วอยากจะหลบจากหน้าคอมพิวเตอร์พวกนี้ ไปร้องไห้ให้เปื้อนสูทซังกะบ๋วยนี้

เวลายายกอดนั้นเต็มแน่นและเต็มรัก และผมก็ไม่เข้าใจจริงว่า ทำไมยายซึ่งเป็นคนอนุรักษ์นิยมสุดๆ ถึงรักและเอ็นดู DNA ซึ่งมันไม่นิยมการอนุรักษ์ในตัวผม

คิดถึงยายแล้วก็คิดถึงอาหารเผ็ดๆ แล้วคิดถึงความร้อน แล้วคิดถึงความรักที่ไร้เงื่อนไข แล้วคิดถึงความสบายใจ แล้วคิดถึงคืนสุดท้ายของยาย แล้วคิดถึงน้ำตา แล้วคิดถึงโครงกระดูก แล้วคิดถึงเถ้าถ่าน แล้วคิดถึงปลาโคบ แล้วคิดถึงสิ่งนั้น สิ่งที่ทำให้นึกถึงเมืองไทย บ้านเก่าๆ หนังเก่าๆ แบบสรพงษ์ในมือปืน; สิ่งสิ่งนั้น แน่นอนมันหายไป แต่เมืองไทย ยังไม่หาย เพราะยายยังอยู่กับผม ทุกครั้งที่ผมกลัว ผมนึกถึงยาย เพราะยายจะปกป้องผม ไม่ต้องมีเหตุผลมากก็ได้ โง่ก็ได้ แต่ก็สบายใจได้

Knowing that I got to throw up, I excused myself from her shortly to the toilet. While i was staring in the mirrow and seeing how fucked up my face look like, everything I see turned black, I heard some knocks on the wall and then, I passed out….

Woke up again on the floor, next to the basement of the toilet. (The knocks was probably the sound of my body bumping to the toilet’s wall while I was collapsing.) My heartbeat was so soft but  fast. I felt very cold. and it was so hard to breath. Somehow, I managed to drag myself back to one of the beds.

Try to sleep, my consciousness started to blur away, heartbeat softer and softer, start to think about dying, alone, probably like what they said about a zebra which got caught from a lion and decide “Ok, I have fought enough with this beast, I will let it all go”…

Start to have a vision about this field I played soccer with friends during when I was around 6-7 years old. It was so green….so green….so nice. 5pm after school, before my mum pick me up………

Suddenly, that vision faded away to this bright nasty white neon light. I suddenly sweat and sweat and sweat. And I start to feel better. My eyes can focus again to whatever I want to see. My consciousness came back and ………I was so fucking happy….it was like reborn….like someone restarting my engine softly through this blue wave which filling in my body…and then,….I can realize who I am one more time…..its me…still remain.,,,,.sex can not compare with this…..this one made me cry and smile……

2) Alternative scene

3) Thai food take away

In many Europeans and Asian countries I lived in, these three things seem to pop up together or close by each other.

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Red-light district and alternative scene are like a good buddy. Many times when I searched after a cut edge/underground musical or art scenes, I found myself near by a brothel or red-light venue. Whether you walking along langstrasse in Zurich, passing by a northern part of Brussel or hanging around Silom street in Bangkok, these relationships seem to obvious. In fact, it seems to me lately that the cities or countries which seem to be more sexually liberal or even well-known for prositutution are also tend to be full of alternative art scenes. (Think Amsterdam and Berlin)

- Could sex increase an emotional creativity?

- Does the “red-light district” decrease the rental price of the venues so the “young bohemians” have more chances to live and show their works in these venues?

- The amount of a red-light district in Stockholm is almost equal to zero. Can this explain the lack of Stockholm’s underground/ sub-culture scene?

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To be a good engineer or doctor takes much time and effort. 4-10 years of school which will teach you to analyze many things to their deepest details.

To make a good food, however, might not need a person to go to school. In my opinion, with enough practice and a good sense, a person can cook a great food. It probably does not matter if you are a newly graduate from an overprice culinary college in London. Or, if you are a Thai prostitute works in a European red-light district who decides to start up a take away spot…..